Why Your Baby Won’t Sleep—and Why That’s Completely Normal
When it comes to newborn care, myths and outdated beliefs can make those early days even more challenging. As a founder or entrepreneur, you’re used to solving problems with strategy and logic—but newborn sleep doesn’t follow a predictable formula. Let’s debunk some of the most persistent myths about infant sleep, so you can focus on building a secure, responsive relationship with your baby without all the guilt.
Understanding Infant Sleep: What Age Has to Do With It
Every baby is different, but sleep patterns do evolve with age. While some babies seem to settle easily, others remain wakeful for months (or years!). Developmental milestones, illness, and even personality can impact sleep at any time.
The most rapid brain development happens in the first 1,000 days of life—literally millions of new connections form every second. This means your baby’s sleep is deeply connected to their brain’s ability to regulate emotions, attachment, and sensory processing. Sleep isn’t a skill we teach; it’s a biological process that unfolds over time.
The Fourth Trimester: Why Your Baby Won’t Sleep Alone
Newborns are born incredibly immature compared to other mammals. If humans developed in the womb as much as, say, a baby monkey, we’d be born as two-year-olds! Your baby’s instincts tell them survival depends on staying close to you. This is why they often won’t sleep unless they’re being held—it's not a bad habit, it’s biology.
During this “fourth trimester,” expect round-the-clock needs. Your baby will sleep best in contact with you, whether through safe co-sleeping, babywearing, or responsive night-time parenting. Their circadian rhythm is immature, and daytime naps happen best in natural light and normal household sounds.
4–9 Months: The ‘Sleep Regression’ That Isn’t One
Around four months, sleep patterns shift permanently as your baby’s brain moves towards a more adult-like sleep cycle. This can mean more frequent night waking, increased separation anxiety, and a strong preference for mum. It’s not a regression—it’s progress.
At this stage, some babies may start refusing to feed to sleep or become too distracted to eat well during the day, leading to more night waking. Sleep routines can be helpful, but flexibility is key—your baby’s sleep needs will continue to change.
Why Short Naps Are Normal
Many parents worry that short naps mean their baby isn’t sleeping “properly.” But sleep isn’t about meeting a certain quota—it’s about whether your baby is content and meeting milestones. Some babies need help linking sleep cycles in the first year, but if your baby wakes happy, they’ve had enough sleep.
If they wake tired, a quick feed or cuddle can sometimes help them drift back off. If it doesn’t work within a few minutes, move on—forcing sleep isn’t necessary.
Night Waking: The Hard Truth
Most babies wake at night for many reasons: hunger, thirst, comfort, temperature changes, or just needing reassurance. Some are simply more sensitive than others.
Despite what sleep training culture suggests, waking at night isn’t a “problem” to fix—it’s a natural part of infant development. Gradual transitions to independent sleep will happen when your baby’s brain is ready. Until then, safe co-sleeping, side-car cribs, and proximity-based solutions can make it easier.
How Much Sleep Does a Baby Really Need?
Sleep needs vary wildly between babies—some need as little as 9 hours, others up to 18 hours in a 24-hour period. There’s no universal “should.” Instead of counting hours, focus on:
Is your baby happy and engaged when awake?
Are they feeding well and growing steadily?
Are you coping with your current sleep setup? (If not, adjustments can be made without resorting to cry-it-out methods.)
Responsive Sleep: Meeting Needs Without Obsession
If you’re constantly tracking, timing, and worrying about sleep, it’s time to shift your mindset. The key isn’t enforcing rigid sleep rules—it’s creating an environment where sleep naturally happens.
Strategies that help:
Keep pressure off. Your baby will sleep when they need to.
Stop comparing. Your baby’s sleep will look different from another baby’s.
Use natural cues. Daytime naps should happen in daylight with household noise.
Make night feeds easy. Safe co-sleeping or a side-car cot can reduce exhaustion.
Accept unpredictability. Sleep isn’t linear; there will be phases of more or less sleep.
Self-Care for You
You can’t meet your baby’s needs if you’re running on empty. Prioritise:
Regular wake times and exposure to natural light.
A flexible daily rhythm (not a rigid schedule).
Getting out of the house (movement helps both you and baby).
Asking for help—whether from a partner, friend, or professional.
Need Support?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by sleep struggles, I can help. My approach is grounded in science, responsiveness, and real-life practicality—no guilt, no rigid rules, just solutions that work for your family.
Anne Cullen is a Family Strategist who helps mission-driven founders build thriving families without sacrificing their own wellbeing. With a focus on conscious parenting, responsive care, and breaking generational patterns, Anne blends practical strategies with values-driven insights to support parents from the very start of their journey. When she’s not coaching, you’ll find her walking in nature, listening to business and wellness podcasts, or spending time with her husband and two sons.