The Leadership Lesson Every Founder Needs: Kids Do Well When They Can

Do you have a tween or teen who’s acting in ways that worry you—ways you don’t fully understand or that you know aren’t in their best interest? Maybe they’re engaging in risky behaviours like vaping, self-harm, or experimenting with alcohol. Or perhaps they’re withdrawing, struggling with school, being rude to family members, or just making choices that keep you up at night.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

As a founder, you know all about risk assessment. You anticipate problems, strategise solutions, and mitigate damage before it happens. But when it comes to parenting—especially during the tween and teen years—those instincts can backfire.

It’s natural to want to stop our kids from making mistakes. We see the potential consequences of their actions, the long-term impact of a wrong move. So, we step in. We offer advice, we lecture, we set consequences, we create incentives for ‘good’ behaviour.

But here’s the problem: Even if these tactics seem effective in the short term, they often don’t lead to lasting change. Worse, they can damage the relationship between you and your child—just like a heavy-handed management style can push your best employees away.

Many of us were taught to believe that kids do well if they want to. That if they cared enough, worked harder, or were more motivated, they’d make better choices. In other words, we blame the child for not meeting expectations.

But what if we changed the lens we use to see them?

Instead of believing kids do well if they want to, let’s take a different approach: Kids do well when they CAN.

This concept, introduced by psychologist Dr. Ross Greene, was a game-changer for me. It reframes challenging behaviour—not as a problem to eliminate, but as a symptom of an underlying issue. Just like a fever isn’t the illness but a sign of one, your child’s behaviour is telling you something important.

When we look at our children this way, we stop trying to ‘fix’ their behaviour and start asking the bigger question: Why is this happening? What skills or support do they need to meet the expectations being placed on them?

Think about your own leadership style. If a team member is struggling, you don’t just punish them—you identify the gap, offer guidance, and provide the tools they need to succeed. Parenting works the same way.

Your child needs your leadership. They need to know you have their back. They need to believe that you see their potential—not just when they want to do well, but when they can.

And when they have the skills and support they need?

They will do well.

The next time your child is struggling, resist the urge to react with punishment or a quick-fix solution. Instead, get curious. Look beneath the surface. Ask yourself: What do they need right now to succeed?

That’s the work of conscious leadership. And that’s the work of parenting.

Anne Cullen is a Family Strategist who helps mission-driven founders build thriving families without sacrificing their own wellbeing. With a focus on conscious parenting, responsive care, and breaking generational patterns, Anne blends practical strategies with values-driven insights to support parents from the very start of their journey. When she’s not coaching, you’ll find her walking in nature, listening to business and wellness podcasts, or spending time with her husband and two sons.

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